Here I sit alone in a hotel room with the feeling that I’m one misstep away from being homeless. I feel like I’m in some sort of a prison albeit a lot nicer than real prison. After several months of being unemployed, things are looking hopeless. Although I have recently found a a new job, that offers little comfort to me as it’s not anything resembling a dream job and the pay, while fair, is no where near what is needed to live a normal life. If you were to ask me earlier this year that it was going to turn out this way, I wouldn’t have believed you but today I am faced with this reality. Earlier this year I had a job that I enjoyed, and while the rate of pay was on the low end, I was able to make a decent living due to all of the hours that I worked; hours that were worked on straight pay because as an independent contractor, there is no overtime, just whatever the job pays and that’s all.

I had been working as an independent contractor for about ten years as it was seemingly the only kind of work that I could find that had the opportunity to earn more than a minimum wage. These days with minimum wage on the rise, and some states now pushing for raises in it to be a livable wage my former job did not keep up. It was a lot like gig work, like driving for Uber or DoorDash but wasn’t driving for either of those companies; I was driving for a courier service instead. There were many times when I was out on a job and thinking about how much that particular job paid and then deducting my expenses only to realize I was making far under the state’s minimum wage for that hour. The only way to make money at that kind of job was to work more. Sixty to seventy hour workweeks were the norm for me. Luckily, I enjoyed my work and just got used to it. It’s hard for me to believe that this is what some people have to go through just to make a living in this country as I know I’m not the only one. While I do subscribe to the idea of if you enjoy what you do for a living, you’ll never work a day in your life, that is just an idea and my wages were not keeping up.

There was always some new issue that kept my line of work from being profitable. Something would always pop up that added to my ever growing expenses. The car needs new tires, the insurance cost went up, the alternator went out needs to be replaced, and the list would go on and on. I’m not even getting into the constantly fluctuating price of fuel as that was my biggest expense. In the past, the price of fuel would average out to about an eight hundred dollars per month then in the last couple of years that rose to a thousand or more per month. One month back in 2022 when the gas prices spiked, I spent $1400 on gas. I did not get any raise for this unexpected increase, it was just cut back in other areas so I could afford to keep the car running and keep myself working. There was nobody to complain to and nothing that could be done about it. I had made my bed and now I was lying in it, seemingly my fate was sealed.

It wasn’t though, as I just did what I always had done, trudged on trying to not let gravity of the situation get me down. It felt as if I was in a prison of my own making. As far as a prison goes, it was nice enough. There weren’t any guards watching over me and I was free to move around and get my work done. I’ll always remember what the owner of a previous company I used to work for always said; “I don’t want to go back to prison.” I had heard him say that about a dozen times and that’s why it stuck with me. I never asked him what he meant by that or if he really spent time in prison, it just gave me food for thought. In my former line of work, there was plenty of time to be alone with my inner monologue. There’s got to be a way out of this and a better way living. Either way, I knew I was somehow finding myself living in a prison of my own mind. At least my thoughts were private, or so I thought until recently. That’s what happens when you step outside the box and shrug off the chains of conformity.

Earlier this year I had found a certain level of happiness that I had been searching for a long time. My jobs took me to the most interesting places and in those days I looked around not just to be aware of my surroundings but also as a form of sightseeing. Many of my jobs in the last part of this chapter in my life were located in the south and west sides of Chicago, not the nicest of neighborhoods and places most people would avoid like their lives depended on it. It wasn’t that bad and I think the stories are very much overblown. While there might be some criminal elements, for the most part, these neighborhoods are paces where good, hardworking people live or at least try to eke out the best life that they can or are able. I was driving down Garfield Boulevard and something touched me deep inside. I saw so many abandoned houses with broken windows, some boarded up, many more weren’t, uncut lawns that were more weeds than grass, the trees untrimmed, the streets covered by potholes, there was only one thing that I could think of. It looked like a war had been fought there and the former residents had lost and been forced to relocate. Seeing this made me feel sad as I knew it wasn’t these people’s fault at all, just another byproduct of years of bad policies that have plagued the city forever. No one would willingly choose to live in these conditions as the state of distress was caused by abusive tax laws and neglect of the people that made up the city.

It wasn’t the first time I had been in a place like this and probably wouldn’t be the last. I remembered a time years earlier where I found myself surrounded by all kinds of abandoned buildings. Nobody was around. I was in an industrial area that was maybe four blocks in size without a soul to be found. There was supposed to be someone there as I was making a delivery, but upon arriving, the place appeared empty. After noticing this, I sent a message out to dispatch and after a little while was told that I should wait and someone would be by soon. It was an eerie feeling being there. The area for the loading dock had recently been replaced with fresh stones and looked as smooth as could be yet out of place when compared to the state of the buildings surrounding it. It was very dystopian, like a scene from a movie. While I could read the time of the day and knew what day it was, for some reason I felt as if I had somehow left the world I knew and was in some other place or some other time on perhaps even a parallel universe. That feeling was similar to how I felt earlier this year. From all outward appearances I was in the same world as everyone else but something had shifted and maybe I wasn’t.

A panopticon is defined as a prison design or theory in which one guard can watch over the whole population without the prisoners knowing that they are being watched. In this instance this is all happening digitally as computer systems and technologies have become so advanced and imbedded in our lives that we humans don’t even think much about it; we just go on with life thinking this is normal. It’s not normal in any way, in fact it is dangerously close to reaching a point where any attempt to escape from this matrix is futile. Of course nobody was watching me but the smart phone was always on and in that, it means there’s really no privacy as someone or something could be listening at any time. Just being aware of that is the first step in trying to stop it. I didn’t try and stop it though as whatever I was listening to or the phone calls I took weren’t all that interesting from my perspective. It was just searching for new information or ideas that could be useful in something I had planned to write about in the future.

The world we live in the year 2024 has become an inescapable prison where seemingly everyone is just going about their daily routines unaware of how invasive the technology has become. Everything that humans do, where they go, and even what they think is now being recorded and updated in real time for reasons not fully explained to the public. Why must everything be mapped and tracked? What is the purpose of this? Any attempt to answer that will only accomplish one of two things; elicit blank stares or get you labeled as a conspiracy theorist. Well, if I could tell you anything about it, it would be that the thought of it being a conspiracy is no longer a theory. I might not know all the details of it but I do know that there’s far too much information on the subject to be dismissed as mere coincidence.

If two things outside the realm of possibility happen it can be considered a coincidence but if more than two things happen and continue on that are outside the norm and defy logic, one starts to see trends or patterns developing. It seems that there is all kinds of information that is coded that make up this false reality. If I didn’t subscribe to the idea that humanity is part of a simulation or some kind of game theory before, now I am aware that this is a possibility and almost getting to the point where it’s a high probability. It is this idea that I have been exploring for the last six months as I continue my research for a book that I intend to start writing soon. I’ve always had the idea of writing a book and sharing what I’ve learned and it seems that the time is now ripe for me to do so. Now my question is, how do I write this in secrecy, knowing full well that everything, what websites I’ve visited, what videos I have watched, what I have typed and even my keystroke patterns are being recorded on some data server somewhere?

Even the words that I write right now are being recorded somewhere as are my biometrics in some data center and analyzed for reasons unknown possibly by people but now more commonly, an entity of sorts comprised of artificial intelligence. The artificial intelligence takeover is a very real threat to the future of human life and should not be taken lightly. World leaders know this as do scientists who study these things and it is not a new thing at all. Years ago, Stephen Hawking said that AI was an existential threat to humanity. While people and companies have been working on this for decades now, the technology has caught up to the research and is, in my estimation, getting close to surpassing humans and perhaps coming to the conclusion that humans are obsolete.

I don’t like the idea of planned obsolescence, never have, but that is what seems to be happening here on a human level. Humanity is getting pushed out of service being eclipsed by the machines that can perform tasks faster, with greater precision and more efficient than what humans can accomplish. This is not to say that this is going to happen tomorrow, the next day after that or three weeks from next Tuesday, but it is happening and sometime in the future, if the current trend stays on course, humans will someday become slaves to the machines that humans created. This very idea is one that is prophesied about in the Book of Revelation. I think that the new terminology for it while talking out the biblical overtone is called the singularity and it is almost beyond comprehension as to why people try to develop things that could destroy them. Without some serious regulation into the development of this technology it could easily get out of control. When, not if, that happens, it’s doom for humanity.

The cracks are already starting to appear. Not a day has gone by that there isn’t a story in the news that provides more information on the takeover. Just the other day Google announced that they have a quantum computer chip that they are releasing. Earlier today there was a story about open AI’s Chat GPT and an ongoing dispute with Elon Musk about which way their company needs to be pushing this new technology. Musk figures if it is not profitable then it needs to back down so his artificial intelligence service can rise to prominence. The need for greater profits at the expense of people is all that Musk seems to care about, puffing profits over people and not the other way around. This is a far cry from what I heard him talking about earlier this year. In the early part of the year he was outspoken about low birth rates the country or world, how this was a problem that needed to be reversed and how he was on “team humanity” but his message has changed a lot since the early part of this year and his actions are speaking louder than his words. Now his main concern is with reducing government spending and is very vocal about his intention to layoff many government workers as their jobs can more efficiently be done by algorithms and computer systems in which he has a controlling interest. While there are stories of struggles between him and President Trump, there’s part of me that can’t help but believe that the stories are false and the two men are getting along just fine as they work together to create a future that is going to be very difficult for anyone who doesn’t graciously accept the vision of the future that they are laying out for the people. Could these two men be setting up humanity to take the biblical mark of the beast? Part of me doesn’t want to think that way but it is a possibility as this has been prophesied.

I have to wonder what damage this is going to do to the people. In my estimation, so much damage has already been inflicted on the people, mostly by the governments of the world and more recently the corporations are making their moves as they chase higher profits at the expense of their workers and customers. Any thoughts of saving the republic are quickly being replaced and fascism looks like it’s coming in hot and heavy. If the you’ve ever heard someone say they had to train someone who is their own replacement, nowadays people are going to work training something that will eventually be their replacement. I could only imagine what that feeling is like. No wonder many of the younger generations are quiet quitting and leaving their jobs. What they are doing to earn money is another story as without working, how does one gain money? Maybe this is where the idea of universal basic income comes into play but I’m unsure how that would help anyone. It’s enough to make one feel like life is pointless and unfulfilling. Technology may make some people’s lives easier but that benefit is at the expense of others and is further dulling natural intelligence and unknowingly creating a life forms that operate at a lower vibrational frequency.

I was reminded of this in a recent conversation with my mother when I noticed that another bowling alley in the area had been torn down. These days there are very few privately owned bowling alleys left. The ones that are around are now owned by large corporations. Putting that aside, she told me about going bowling with my sister and her family and how it’s nice that the lanes are all computerized and keep score for the bowlers. While that’s nice, I made the point that it might not be so good as now no one needs to learn about how scoring works anymore and the need to figure it out for oneself no longer is an issue. That’s just something inconsequential like bowling, think about other things that people used to know how to do and now due to automation have been phased out and try not ending up at the conclusion that an elite few in our society are making a vast majority of the people obsolete. Maybe that’s too depressing of a thought and that’s why many choose to ignore that idea all together, however, nobody will be able to ignore it when it hits them at home.

Things that people used to do, aren’t done anymore. I’ve heard plenty of stories about how kids can’t tell time on an analog clock and I know that the schools stopped teaching cursive writing long ago. It’s kind of like what the astronaut, Don Pettit said when he said something like this: we don’t have that technology anymore, we used to, and it’s a painful process to build it back. He was talking about going to the moon and how the space agency he works for can’t go back now, even though the same agency went multiple times over fifty years ago. That statement alone should tell you a lot. I brings up the question of if man ever landed on the moon at all.

At this point, I can’t really say definitively whether or not the moon landing happened. On the side of yes, it did happen, all that is evident is the story, the articles written about it and some pictures. On the side of it being an event that never happened, there are interviews where the astronauts occasionally make a statement and say something which introduces the element of doubt. This is of course leaving out all the information that is presented about the Van Allen radiation belts and how they are a major challenge to get through on the way to the moon. So, if the question is did man land on the moon then my answer would be divided but leaning very far towards it being a hoax and a mighty big one at that. If the news was ever released that humans can’t travel to space the implications would be felt worldwide as people would lose trust in their governments. Maybe that is the type of news that would usher in the new age. In any event it’s possible that the recent mysterious drones are making an appearance and rumors of alien disclosure is being heard a lot more.

If it were true that humans never landed on the moon then that opens up a whole new bunch of issues that would need to be addressed; issues such as why all of the deception and where did all of the money go? I’m asking myself where all the money went a lot lately both from my own pocket but also from the nations treasury as well. In case you didn’t realize it, the United States is a corporation and every year it operates at a loss. Control of the nation’s money has been turned over to a private corporation that is neither federal nor does it have any reserves. It’s not difficult to understand as the main corporation, the Federal Government has so many departments and agencies flying under its flag. One of those departments is the National Aeronautics and Space Administration or NASA for short. In some circles it is said that NASA really stands for Not A Space Agency.

I don’t want to turn this post into a debate as to whether or not the moon landing happened nor do I wish to make this all about conspiracy theories even though I’ve heard them all. I’m just using it as an example of there are always two sides of the argument and the truth most likely lies somewhere in the middle. I was reminded of this again today when someone on a video repeated the old mantra: history is written by the winners. That is a very true statement. For the last couple of months I have been looking through history as to find clues that support my hypothesis that this is all part of a simulation. We are living in some kind of a game designed by someone or something it seems and there’s even an idea called game theory that is being discussed by people who are aware that something is just a little off in the world for this not to be part of a much greater plan.

Supposing that what we call life is all part of a game or a simulation, one has to wonder what is the reason for it. Who designed this simulation? The vast majority of people in the world hold the belief that there is a God or gods that rule over us. In the eastern religions, the concept of God is polytheistic and in the western religions, God is monotheistic meaning there is only one. Beliefs about a one all knowing and all powerful God varies from person to person and location to location depending on the philosophy behind the religion. So far I subscribe to the thought that there is one God and He is equal parts good and evil because one cannot exist without the other. God is dualistic in nature. This is written about in the Bible too when it’s looked at from the view of one price of literary work. The Bible is probably the number one playbook that those in power use to keep the people in line and shackled to their system.

Aside from the sun, moon, stars, oceans, mountains, trees, birds and the bees, God’s existence so far cannot be proven one way or another at this time but I suspect that some governmental and religious leaders know more than they are willing to admit to the people. God exists as an idea and man in his arrogance has repeatedly tried to destroy that idea. Mankind has done some pretty crazy things to dispel the idea of God in an effort to become gods here on earth; like the experiments that are being run in laboratories like CERN to the Antarctic expeditions back in the 1940’s by Admiral Richard E Byrd to launching nuclear weapons into high altitudes in an attempt to break through the firmament.

Speaking of CERN, which stands for the European Center for Nuclear Research I just heard more news about them. It seems that they are either very close to developing dark matter or may have already done it. I have to wonder what gives them the right to try and develop anything that could potentially destroy the earth. There’s enough people out in the world who blame CERN for causing the Mandela Effect, which is basically misremembering little things that have occurred in pop culture. That of course brings up the idea that they are affecting the space time continuum in some way. Well, again, if they are, what gives them the right to do so? Perhaps they achieved opening up little black holes here on earth and were able to control them as they did not grow large enough to start feeding on themselves and devour the earth. I know these things sound crazy because they are crazy. Why do these things if they have the potential to cause worldwide destruction? I don’t have an answer for that question other than man’s desire to become god…either that, or money because that seems to be all anyone cares about in this world. Becoming a god is one thing and it’s possible to achieve that immortal status here on this astral plane but becoming the one true God, creator of all of the universe is not, for there is only one. Even Jesus never claimed that he was God, merely a part of Him as we all are.

The Christian eschatology is loaded with symbolism and it is through symbols how those at the top of the hierarchy communicate with each other. In fact there is evidence to support the story that every thing that is part of the religion is little more than interpretations of pictures seen in the constellations of stars. The Christmas story is loaded with this kind of symbolism and it’s possible that the whole thing is just a way of telling a story of something that happens every year at the same time but with man being the character in the telling. It’s no wonder at all that what we call the sun sounds a lot like the son. It’s possible that the whole religion of Christianity is an elaborate way of masking sun worship and if the visuals that the powerful elites use in there rituals is any evidence, that’s exactly what it is. There is a lot of references to Lucifer in the Roman Catholic Church. Could they secretly be hiding the fact that they are Luciferians? If they are not, it sure looks that way to me. And then there’s talk about 1000 priests standing in a perfect circle getting ready to chant and open a portal. Whatever that’s all about, it doesn’t sound good nor does it sound like something that Christians should be playing around with. Whatever the ritual was about, so far I have to say that it didn’t work but it was only done last night and the portals are supposed to remain open until January 6, so we shall see what if anything transpires between now and then.

Lots of strange and creepy things go on in Europe and among the wealthy elites. There’s a reason why there’s a statue of the the Hindu god Shiva the destroyer is on the campus of CERN and there’s also a reason behind all of the apocalyptic imagery that was displayed during the opening ceremony of the Gotthard tunnel in Switzerland several years ago. It was the same kind of imagery being shown at the recent Olympic Games opening ceremony earlier this year in Paris. Same goes for the rituals shown at the reopening of the newly reconstructed Notre Dame Cathedral. Is the Roman Catholic Church behind this? Most likely as they do these rituals out in plain sight and the parishioners seem to be none the wiser. I’ve heard more stories than I can even begin to count to support the statement that the RCC has a lot of nefarious practices that the general public seems to be completely unaware of. These are stories that are so awful that if a believer in Catholicism heard any of them it would really cause them to have to reevaluate everything they thought they know about their faith.

I have a lot of questions that are going unanswered in regard to religion and faith and have been on a mission for a very long time to gain a deeper understanding of the world. While I don’t wish to cause anyone any harm whatsoever, the information that I have been able to gather has proven that things that I have knowledge of would prove disastrous to the system if enough people were alerted to my findings which would require a much longer explanation than what I can say here. It’s little wonder why the the system is giving me resistance. For years now, I have been throttled and shadow banned as things that I have written and said are too dangerous for public consumption. There has to be a reason why nothing that I have written here before has gotten any attention. I know I’ve said some outrageous things and while I have tried to write it as comedy, writing things that are funny is not easy at all. I guess I’ve given up trying to write funny as jokes seem to be forbidden these days and the algorithm has no sense of humor. There are other people who talk about the same things that I have and they are often censored too. The system fears people like me, people who have a lot of questions and don’t accept the canned answers as satisfactory.

It’s a very dangerous game that I am playing as I am searching for the ultimate reward which is to transcend this life and reach a higher level of consciousness and existence. I think I finally found what I was looking for back in April of 2024. I might not have known everything but I knew the fundamentals of how this false reality is being perpetrated on the unsuspecting public. Back then I was going about my business, doing my job and driving down the road towards the next place that I had to be when I was looking out the windshield and peering into the sky as far as my eyes could see. I could almost see the graph lines written in the air. I started thinking about a Bible verse, particularly the one that says that we do not fight flesh and blood but powers and principalities which has always perplexed me. I’ve spent a lot of time over the years thinking about what it means and how to put it in action.

It’s about fighting something intangible. It’s about fighting an ideology. It’s about spiritual warfare. There’s a lot of talk about spiritual warfare on the internet lately. If one can’t figure out what it means to fight a war on the spiritual front then that person has no business being in the fight at all. Some may call it witchcraft, and it is similar, but one deals in the forces of evil while the other deals in the forces of good. long ago, I made the conscious decision to devote my life to doing good. In everything I do, I have to make a decision about any moral reservations that I might have in performing a task. Is it morally right or wrong is the question I ask myself a lot. If there’s any indication that something might not be on the level, I don’t do that thing as I must try to maintain a clear conscience. It’s a better way of living. Of course I have made mistakes before and those are the memories that stick with me. It’s those missteps that can and often do run on a loop over and over, haunting me as there’s nothing that can be done now after the fact that make the memory go away.

I was just reminded of this a minute ago as I had to take a phone call. I don’t get too many phone calls these days as the phone seems like it is becoming a lost form of communication pushed aside by emails, texts and whatever the hot new messaging app of the day is. First it was instant messages, then it was direct messages, after that it was Snapchat, or WhatsApp or who knows what is coming up next. What happened to a simple phone call? Now there’s new forms of etiquette that goes along with using the phone; call once, wait a decent amount of time before calling back, if the recipient doesn’t want calls, no more calling, make sure you call through another service to protect your number, friends and family don’t have the time, even the call quality can be dicey sometimes. It’s little wonder why the phone seems to be in the process of being phased out. with that said, I’m looking for a new job now so I have to answer every call. The call I just took wasn’t from a job though but rather from a debt collector. I find it odd that I did not hear from these people for months, then the day I finally got a new job, they are calling again. I can say that was just a coincidence but then again, I pretty much stopped believing in coincidences a while ago.

I had a pretty good job a while back that I enjoyed despite it being very much underpaid for the work I was doing. I can’t say that I was fired from it because I wasn’t, but I was going through something and work told me to take a little time off then come back when I was ready. One thing led to another and very quickly I was out of money to keep gas in the car to continue my work. I worked as a courier and I liked a lot about the job that I did. I brought people medicine and that helped them out. I brought companies critical parts so they could keep their lines of production going and that helped them out. On top of that, because I was helping people I took great responsibility to make sure I was always striving to go above and beyond for them and doing it all with no moral reservations. It’s about being the change you want to see in the world. I miss that job but doubt I’ll ever go back as now there are new things to do and new challenges to overcome.

As much as I enjoyed my job, it never paid enough to afford me anything more than a subsistence level, paycheck to paycheck existence. On paper it looked like I was doing alright but that was very deceptive. I warned as an independent contractor as at the time it was the only job I could find. Being transgender really limits the options available and poverty is a real issue for people who are divergent from the norm. This life, not feeling comfortable with the sex you were born as is not easy in any way and nobody would willingly choose this path. It’s one of those things where one either is or is not and if a person falls in the is category, better prepare for a whole new set of challenges.

I had always known I was a trans person even long before I knew the terminology for it. The reason why I am this way remains elusive and I doubt I’ll ever know why this was to be the course my life would take. Perhaps, being trans is something that occurs in nature as there is some studies that come to that conclusion but I think that nurturing plays a large role in it as well. I had somehow been drawn to cross dressing from an early age. At the time I did not know what was compelling me to engage in this activity but it was overwhelming and on some level, I knew it was unacceptable behavior and thus the reason for secrecy. To have to go through life having to keep a half of yourself secret takes a great amount of discipline. One learns very quickly how to live a double life.

Before I even really know what sex was, I knew there was a great disconnect between the image I saw in the mirror and what that looked like and how I felt about myself. As much as I knew there was something wrong with me, I also knew that I had nobody that I could talk to about this issue. I remember watching the television show “Night Court” and the episode where Dan Fielding, played by John Laroquette was visited by an old friend of his who he lost track of and recently came to see him. His old friend was now a woman and Dan didn’t know how to respond to that. Eventually they talked for a moment and then parted ways presumably forever. There was a part of that episode that hit me pretty hard. In that moment, I learned that this was something that happened on occasion and I wasn’t alone in my feelings but still not ready to confront them.

The next moment I remember was when I was spending the summer before high school with my aunt and uncle so I could get a jump start on my studies and took typing during summer school. Back then typing was a class that could be taken as it was still a skill that needed to be developed for work. This was before the computer had fully taken hold over people’s lives and I don’t know if it’s its own class anymore but rather just a given and something that people take for granted. I was put up in their extra bedroom and that room was filled with books and magazines. There was also a file cabinet and upon looking in it out of curiosity I found another book: “The Joy of Sex” by Alex Comfort. It looked interesting, most of what I learned about sex could be attributed to that book, and now that I think about it was as close to pornography as I can remember seeing when I was younger. I read it cover to cover but there were a few pages that I reread over and over in the section about fetishes and the difference between transvestism and transsexualism. While the former matched what it was I was doing, the latter fascinated me as that resembled how I was feeling.

So there is the state that I find myself in today. Being one thing that is true but feeling false and the false thing feeling true but neither is really true or false at the same time. I wish I didn’t feel this way but if there’s a way to break this way of thinking then I haven’t found it yet. I’ll stand by the statement that nobody willingly chooses to be trans because why would anyone do that? A life that’s far more difficult than the vast majority of people, no thanks, I’ll pass. A life subject to a state of poverty, discrimination and a general sense of not belonging, again, no thanks, I’ll pass. There has to be some reason for my existence as I don’t believe that any of us were put into this world solely to suffer. There’s so much suffering anyway and while people denounce it, nobody other than governments are able to alleviate it. The problem with this is: do the people want their governments to solve the issue of human suffering? Most would say no, and they remember President Ronald Reagan’s nine scariest words: “ I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” The political right and the conservatives know all too well that any help from the government comes with strings attached so they shun it. I’ve always distanced myself from any help that the government could provide as I’ve wanted to do things on my own. The greater the risk, the greater the reward, I guess, until lately when now I could really use a little help.

With that said, I don’t subscribe to the political left’s views either. Their views always overreach into the territory of too much government and it’s largely the fault of the left for producing the nanny state that currently exists. If there’s an issue, the left has a solution and that is to push for more regulations that further erode the rights of the individual. So long as an action does not hurt anyone else, it should be fair game. Policies that have been implemented often take the cautious approach and then we end up where we are now, with a government that limits the individual’s freedom and independence. Helmet laws for motorcycles is a good example of this as are seat belt laws. Nobody wants to see anyone get hurt, so these laws have been passed preventing the people from making their own decisions about their safety. No one who rides a motorcycle should have to wear a helmet if they don’t want to and if it’s permitted in one state, then it should be permitted in every state. People have to be able to make their own decisions and mistakes so long as the decision doesn’t hurt anyone else. The term victimless crime comes to mind for if the perpetrator is the only victim then what crime has been committed? Speeding tickets are another example of a victimless crime but unfortunately the courts don’t see it that way, so most of the time they’re just a money grab but that’s a whole different story for another time.

The way I see it, we should always try to see both sides of the equation. If you were to ask me where I fall on the political spectrum I aim for the middle as to not be too far left or right. While I’ve held some far right views in the past, I have since softened them and seen the light as where the far left is coming from. I believe that politics should be about compromise and that seems to be a thing of the past. Everyday there’s a new issue and both sides gather their base and prepare for yet another argument that is ultimately going to end in a stalemate because neither side is going to budge in their list of demands and they are just playing against each other and with each other at the same time like the symbology of the two headed eagle. These days, politics is all about what side of the aisle a candidate is on and they are supposed to look at the other side as their mortal enemy. Democrats and republicans both are guilty of not trying to work together anymore and make sure that they are voting the party line. It’s no wonder why there’s a position in the congress called the whip. That person is there to crack that whip and make sure that their members of their party are toeing the line and voting accordingly.

Maybe my political views have something to do with my decisions as of late. I flirted with the republican party and they being at odds with some of the democrats more progressive views pushed me to want to try and bring myself more into alignment with their policies. I don’t believe that men should be competing with women in sports…that should be common sense but these days it appears that there’s no such thing as common sense. With that said, I no longer blindly subscribe to one political ideology over another as both sides of the aisle can make decent points although in the end they fall flat. This last year has been a real eye opener for me. When it started I considered myself fully onboard with the America first agenda because it sounded like a good idea. Logically speaking, who wouldn’t want to put America first and who wouldn’t want America to be great again? I had been going about my own business trying to keep up on all the news as to be informed of the issues and the platform of the Trump campaign seemed like it was the better option. While I do hope that the country succeeds, I know this is going to be a constant battle for the next 4 years as those on the opposite side are going to feel like they are being underserved. Just because they are now in the minority role across all branches of government doesn’t mean that they should remain silent and just take it. Soon enough the pendulum will swing back their way and things will get harder for the new administration to pass legislation.

Earlier this year I decided to write a letter to someone who had a big microphone and I thought might listen to my concerns. The letter went unanswered for the most part but I did get some strong indications that it was at least received. There were little clues that were given in videos that I saw in the following days. I wondered why this was happening as I did give out my contact information and why must we go through covert measures of communication but decided that this was the way it was going to be so I had no choice but to play along. Still to this day I don’t know what the whole point of that exercise was, as I am now sitting in a hotel room feeling excommunicated from most of my family and left alone. Every day there’s some sort of garbage outside the place that looks out of the ordinary, like it was placed there for me to notice it but no explanation is given like the paving block that was left on the sewer cover next to my car as I had left a paving block somewhere else a while back, somewhere where the paving block looked out of place, but that’s a different story for another time. It feels like someone or some group is trying to play tricks on me, trying to get me to break and do something that would be construed as going too far and breaking the law, but that is not going to happen as I am very strong willed and there are things that no matter how hard I am pushed, I will not compromise on my principles.

What has happened to me cannot be all organic as nobody would sabotage themself and submit themself to the kind of anguish that I have experienced in the last few months. I had a decent enough life happening before and while it didn’t make the kind of money that I had hoped for, there’s more to life than money and time to be free with your thoughts is extremely valuable. I still can’t prove that any one person or agency is tracking me or reading and manipulating my thoughts but there is a very strong possibility that it is happening as if my whole story was known, then one could see why I had been put on some kind of a watch list. That letter that I wrote was not just an ordinary letter. It was spelling out something and a form of magic as to undo the damage done to the downtrodden people of the world. I have been subjected to living a meager existence for months now, so if there is one thing that I have learned from this is how the vast majority of people on earth live their lives without any kind of privilege and the life of one of many people who could easily be forgotten. I have been humbled. There’s a lot of chatter on the internet about how we are living in the end times or how this is the dawning on the new age. Again, there’s no way to prove it but all I can go on is the way I feel and what others are saying about it. Something is going on and people are starting to notice and speaking out about how that the world is getting more strange every day.

It all feels like I am descending into madness and I try to hold onto that perspective that no matter how hard I am pushed, I have not been broken down yet and have no intention of doing so either. There’s that old saying, that which does not kill you only makes you stronger, and I am trying to prove that not to be true either one way or the other. I have been going through a lot lately and was reminded of this when watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” recently, particularly the ending where George Bailey questions his own existence and is shown how much he mattered to the world by Clarence the Angel, Second Class. Whoever or whatever, as this may be some kind of demonic entity, is doing this to me needs to know that they have picked a fight with the wrong individual. Do your worst but know that I will win in the end. Months ago, I was told to play the game like I had already won it. While it doesn’t feel like I have won anything right now other than a lot of heartache and strife, I look forward to better days in the future when this operation has run its course. In the end, I will be victorious and now is just a time of trouble that will someday come to pass.

As I wind down this post here on Christmas Day 2024 I want to leave the world with a message of hope. I was a great courier once, always striving to operate at the highest level possible. My dispatcher’s daughter used to call me “the best in the business” and I know she was being sincere in that statement. Maybe that’s why I wrote that letter many months ago to a prominent political figure. I wish I saved a copy of it but that’s not how I roll. It was supposed to be a friendly letter and I thought that it deserved to be a one of a kind communication for a one of a kind person. I’m not happy with how this year is ending for me, but next year there is hope that things will get better. I don’t know why I was set up to hit the bottom but one thing is certain and that is when you hit the absolute bottom of it all, there is only one way to go from there and that is up. AC/DC had it right when they sang “it’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll” and it is a long way when you’re starting over from the bottom. I know it won’t be easy but perhaps I will get to reach that highest of highs, find that special feeling, and transcend from this place. I have to believe that I will and when I reach that destination that I wave been looking for, I hope to deliver the message to the world…like I said, I’m really good at delivering things and now I’m trying to deliver the ultimate message, for there is the promise that the best is yet to come!

Merry Christmas to all,

Cynthia L Pryber

Thanks for reading this preamble to my story and know you know where I’m coming from. If you’d like to know more about my work and mission, please follow along with me on my other social media pages.

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