Drinking Problem

I know I’ve asked this before and I think that I’ve answered it quite clearly in a round about kind of way, sort of, but its time to reexamine the question of who it is that I am. I suppose in order to figure that one out I need to spend a lot of time observing all of you because that can give me a good idea of who I am not because that would be you and not me.

While this may seem like kind of a late post, it’s actually kind of an early post depending on your perspective and probably mine too. It’s early Sunday morning and some of us are sleeping, perhaps soundly, and in a couple hours will awaken and begin their day while to others, it’s still Saturday night even though it’s actually Sunday morning but we haven’t realized that yet because we’re still going strong, fueled by our inherent need to keep the party going and maybe there’s some kind of drugs involved or maybe it’s just alcohol and even though alcohol is technically a drug too, most times we don’t think about it that way because for the most part it’s legal if you are of a certain age and you’re responsible in your consumption or at the very least you’re safe enough to know your limits and not get called out on it.

While it’s probably not the best thing to think about alcohol and how much of a lush either you or myself are, sometimes we must address that issue. This usually happens after having some, or a lot for that matter, and when the night is over and you’re all alone except for the other voices in your head. Don’t ever tell anyone about the voices because, not only do they think you have a problem holding your liquor, but you’re also crazy and not in a good way but rather in the certifiable way which is very much, well, bad

I am just as much of an advocate of drunken craziness, juvenile behavior and general insanity as the next guy, girl or someone of an indeterminate gender. I think the world would be a much better place if we were all on the same page when it comes to self medication, general debauchery and at it’s essence finding some way to make the little things that make up our daily trials and tribulations seem at the very least, tolerable.

Of course, there are some of us that inevitably find that lower than low place, then turn to our friend Mr. Cohol for some guidance…We’ve all met these people. Something is bothering them and they ask the professor for some help then it turns out to be not so good advice and your boyfriend dumps you, your landlord evicts you, your boss fires you, your dog moves in with that cute poodle down the street, and the next thing you know you’re single, homeless, unemployed and have a litter of half-poodle and half (whatever the hell your dog is) puppies to contend with.

If you have found yourself in that position, I don’t envy you, which is a lot nicer than saying: “sucks to be you.”

If that describes your current situation, there is help. Our operators are standing by, please contact us immediately or at your leisure. Reverend Doctor Cyndi of the Transcyndent Institute is here to help you get back on track. Reverend Doctor Cyndi is a licensed driver who holds a degree from the Northwestern University School of Traffic Safety…it’s probably best not to ask any more questions.

Our services are tailored to every budget as we are here to help you get back on track, build your tolerance and get you to a special place of numbness so maybe all of that shit you see the rest of the assholes out there doing won’t piss you off so much. That is our goal. (Please note that all sales are final, no refunds, there is a considerable charge for classroom materials and any profits go to the general “gonna need a new liver or two fund”

Don’t delay, call today.

Classes are filling up fast and we would love to help you see your dreams get flushed down the toilet.

So much focus is put on quitting our vices. I have to question if that is really how we should address the issue. Why quit now when you have so much time left that I can guarantee that you won’t remember? It is a fact that quitters never win and winners never quit. Don’t be a quitter. Maintenance will only cost you $9.00 per day at the very minimum. You really owe it to yourself to make that investment.

I’m going to close out the tab now because it’s late but actually early right now. I’d be happy to stay up later and take your calls but I’m now out of hooch. It was partly me fault as I underestimated my reserves but I’m not going to take full responsibility because most of us don’t. I have found acceptance that the party is over tonight because fucking Mario didn’t want to go to the late bar because he has to work tomorrow…I mean later today.

See what I mean?

PS: a very special shout out to the girl who was probably way to young for me but grabbed my hand and danced with me. That guy who dumped you is a moron and you’re better off.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s