I was listening to some Ozzy today and while I don’t count myself as a really big fan, sometimes I do like his work, although it’s probably something that I’d change the channel on because I’ve heard Iron Man way to many times and it really bores me almost as much as the movie, in which there is no relation to the song, but Jeff Bridges had a good part in it, but then again, I usually like everything that Jeff Bridges does because he is not only one of the greatest actors of our time but he was also the Dude…either that or he’s almost Hollywood royalty and he’s smart enough to pick out the great roles from the really horrible roles by now but then again who can remember Starman because I surely don’t or at least I wouldn’t admit to it because I didn’t see the film nor did I see Tron: Legacy or R.I.P.D either because I heard they were that bad and Jeff Bridges’ allure alone wouldn’t get me to pay to see that crap…or so I’ve heard.

This really isn’t about Jeff Bridges though because it’s really about Ozzy but somehow that got me on a tangent about JB and I don’t mean Jack Black, because he’s done a lot of shit too and also made a movie about shit disappearing which I think it’s safe to say was a biopic, as sometimes we hope he would disappear too.

Just so we all can get back on track, this is not about either of the JB’s even though one is maybe kind of funny if you go for crap that your corporate overlords think you should find funny and the other sometimes gets a great part that people you’ve never heard of submit for an Oscar, and he wins because you spend 2 hours waiting for him to deliver that 2 minute monologue (that some insignificant someone wrote) but JB (and not the other one) makes a statement about the way we humans are, which makes a lot of sense, and is beautifully delivered because it is being said by a great actor, but is quickly forgotten because, alas, it’s just a movie and we all can’t separate fact from fiction without a little help from our friends in Hollywood.

Our friends in Hollywood make their living on re-telling timeless tales about things that others thought of first. That is the current trend as nobody has an original thought anymore. I’d love to tell you all about the new 2015 Tucker Torpedo that I saw driving down the road, today but I can’t because I didn’t see it, probably because there is no 2015 Tucker out right now because big 3 (or should I say not so Big Three these days) put Preston Tucker out of business in the late ’40’s because he dared to dream and make a better product than they did.

Out of all the miles I drove today, I didn’t see a 1948 Tucker either but at the very least, I know that those are a rarity and a collectors item by now because there’s only about 48 of them out there and those in existence go for about a million bucks a piece, that is if you can find one that the current owner wants to sell. Perhaps we should ask George Lucas if he wants to sell his but I doubt that he does. At current, his ’48 Tucker is a collectors item, kind of like the toys made by Kenner in the early 80’s are but they will never be worth as much as the car because of supply and demand.

I’m not really sure how much demand for a brand new Tucker Torpedo there is today but I’m sure someone with a little bit of capital will eventually make an investment trying to capitalize on the current retro trend. I would strongly advise against that but who am I anyway? Trust me, somebody else is thinking about this right now and they will pitch their idea very soon because nobody has an original thought anymore and that somebody will find another somebody who has a lot of venture capital to invest and they’ll try to do this and it will fail because I know that I’m sick of seeing re-boots and I’m starting to think you all are too.

Besides that, George Lucas’s Tucker belongs in a museum just as all the other Tucker’s do. It (the car, dumbass) is of a time gone by and needs a building to showcase it. As I’ve been saying for so many years, Chicago needs another museum and preferably one that makes the lakefront and skyline look worse than it did. The Chicago Skyline was once beautiful and the envy of the world but you all know that just when you think it’s perfect, it’s time to really fuck it up and we can all thank the Rahm-father for that and Rahm is somehow tied to Barry Soetoro as he was his chief of staff but who the hell knows about Barry Soetoro anyway? I suppose that I’ll discuss Barry Soetoro at a later date, but that time is not now because this is about Ozzy, and as far as I know he should be canonized right next to Saint Nikki of whom you all might not be familiar with but nevertheless deserves his place in Rock History in which JB should have taught us more about and maybe someday will if some Hollywood types decide to make a sequel to School of Rock, but that has nothing to do with JB, the Dude, who starred in Tucker: a Man and His Dream, directed by, you guessed it, George Lucas.

What does this have to do with Ozzy, you ask? The answer is: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

That’s right. Nothing. Reverend Doctor Cyndi has completely wasted a few minutes of your time and you liked it, so don’t complain because I really don’t care about you, and won’t until the time in which you stand up and tell the world that you’re pissed off too…just like I am.

I know I’ve asked this before and I think that I’ve answered it quite clearly in a round about kind of way, sort of, but its time to reexamine the question of who it is that I am. I suppose in order to figure that one out I need to spend a lot of time observing all of you because that can give me a good idea of who I am not because that would be you and not me.

While this may seem like kind of a late post, it’s actually kind of an early post depending on your perspective and probably mine too. It’s early Sunday morning and some of us are sleeping, perhaps soundly, and in a couple hours will awaken and begin their day while to others, it’s still Saturday night even though it’s actually Sunday morning but we haven’t realized that yet because we’re still going strong, fueled by our inherent need to keep the party going and maybe there’s some kind of drugs involved or maybe it’s just alcohol and even though alcohol is technically a drug too, most times we don’t think about it that way because for the most part it’s legal if you are of a certain age and you’re responsible in your consumption or at the very least you’re safe enough to know your limits and not get called out on it.

While it’s probably not the best thing to think about alcohol and how much of a lush either you or myself are, sometimes we must address that issue. This usually happens after having some, or a lot for that matter, and when the night is over and you’re all alone except for the other voices in your head. Don’t ever tell anyone about the voices because, not only do they think you have a problem holding your liquor, but you’re also crazy and not in a good way but rather in the certifiable way which is very much, well, bad

I am just as much of an advocate of drunken craziness, juvenile behavior and general insanity as the next guy, girl or someone of an indeterminate gender. I think the world would be a much better place if we were all on the same page when it comes to self medication, general debauchery and at it’s essence finding some way to make the little things that make up our daily trials and tribulations seem at the very least, tolerable.

Of course, there are some of us that inevitably find that lower than low place, then turn to our friend Mr. Cohol for some guidance…We’ve all met these people. Something is bothering them and they ask the professor for some help then it turns out to be not so good advice and your boyfriend dumps you, your landlord evicts you, your boss fires you, your dog moves in with that cute poodle down the street, and the next thing you know you’re single, homeless, unemployed and have a litter of half-poodle and half (whatever the hell your dog is) puppies to contend with.

If you have found yourself in that position, I don’t envy you, which is a lot nicer than saying: “sucks to be you.”

If that describes your current situation, there is help. Our operators are standing by, please contact us immediately or at your leisure. Reverend Doctor Cyndi of the Transcyndent Institute is here to help you get back on track. Reverend Doctor Cyndi is a licensed driver who holds a degree from the Northwestern University School of Traffic Safety…it’s probably best not to ask any more questions.

Our services are tailored to every budget as we are here to help you get back on track, build your tolerance and get you to a special place of numbness so maybe all of that shit you see the rest of the assholes out there doing won’t piss you off so much. That is our goal. (Please note that all sales are final, no refunds, there is a considerable charge for classroom materials and any profits go to the general “gonna need a new liver or two fund”

Don’t delay, call today.

Classes are filling up fast and we would love to help you see your dreams get flushed down the toilet.

So much focus is put on quitting our vices. I have to question if that is really how we should address the issue. Why quit now when you have so much time left that I can guarantee that you won’t remember? It is a fact that quitters never win and winners never quit. Don’t be a quitter. Maintenance will only cost you $9.00 per day at the very minimum. You really owe it to yourself to make that investment.

I’m going to close out the tab now because it’s late but actually early right now. I’d be happy to stay up later and take your calls but I’m now out of hooch. It was partly me fault as I underestimated my reserves but I’m not going to take full responsibility because most of us don’t. I have found acceptance that the party is over tonight because fucking Mario didn’t want to go to the late bar because he has to work tomorrow…I mean later today.

See what I mean?
Cyn

PS: a very special shout out to the girl who was probably way to young for me but grabbed my hand and danced with me. That guy who dumped you is a moron and you’re better off.

The next 1000 years have just begun in accordance with the prophesy.
It does not matter what you do, as resistance is futile and you will not win. How’s that for a hard dose of reality?

Feeling hopeless right about now?
That’s what my colleagues without faces want you to feel. Are you ready to stand up and shout at Him?
Please do so, as my friend loves it, but realize that your cries are all in vain and won’t do a damn thing; it’s going to happen and it is happening right now and you are all powerless and will cry for eternity, so live it up.
It ain’t going to get better for a really long time. We’ve gotta lot of learning to do. Teach your children well and hopefully your great, great, great grandchildren will live in a better place than we do.
My advice: bet on the winning horse…maybe you might make a few dollars.

Worthless paper with fancy artwork…isn’t that the only thing that matters these days?

You know that you love it and you need more of it. Do what you must and go get yours.
Rise up, Children of the Beast,
Cyn

I am.

New, improved and ready to start finishing what I started long ago. I’ve got a few other projects in the works too and the blog ties in with them. It’s all about shameless self promotion here.

Not too long ago I made a deal with the Devil. He made a lot of promises and it only cost me my soul, but It’s really of no consequence. My soul was bought and paid for long ago and I’ve never really owned it anyway so I don’t think this will hold up in court, but even then there are a lot of good lawyers out there. It’s too bad most of the lawyers work for His Unholiness, but I’m fairly confident that there are a few lawyers out there that left the firm and I’m sure our paths will cross sometime in the next, well, eternity. Sooner or later I’ll get myself out of this deal because some of us are simply just to wicked for Hell.

Besides that, I’ve been living here in Hell all my life so far as Hell really is here on earth and I know no other way, so if the trend continues like it has, so be it.

The funny thing about selling your soul when you really don’t own it is you get to find out what it’s worth and most things aren’t worth much these days due to inflation of which the government denies that there is any. In any event, I was assured that I am special and the normal rules don’t apply to me. The Devil, himself, told me this and I think that if there’s one person you can trust it’s the Devil, right?

Is everyone ready to find out what I got in return? Yeah, me too.